I say the following with the most love and compassion in the world for you, me, all of us 🙂
You’re being called to wake up in your life. I’ve written about this before and am finding myself saying it almost daily. The time is now, the information is literally all around you. Wake up, Sister, the world needs you to take your power back. The world needs you to stop overdoing so you can do without doing and change the world in the process. Hey! I saw your eyes roll! Take a breath and follow me for a little bit.
The bad news is you have a bad case of The Martyr. The good news is you can change that whenever you want. The bad news is you don’t believe it, or see it because it is SO insidious and deep. The good news is you can see it as soon as you become willing to and there are all kinds of help for you to change your martyr-y ways my dearest friends.
A martyr? What, who me? I’d love to think about that but I have to do this and that and give and over give and flurry fluster all around and anyway I’m not a martyr, people just need me and as soon as I just get them settled then I can take care of myself! I’m in such a hurry I can’t even finish reading this blog post so let me dig a dusty ass peppermint out of the bottom of my purse so I don’t fall over from hunger as I continue to run all over town.
Stop it. Stop it right now. You are running from your Power and the time for that kind of nonsense is over. You deserve a meal, some decent food, not a dusty ass peppermint!
Look around, I know you’ve overwhelmed your schedule and taking a look around is hard yet your very life may depend on you grasping this concept. I feel in my bones that this awareness is rising to the surface worldwide now so that you as a woman and even some men really get it that you can no longer function in the go get mentality and thrive, much less survive.
Where are you feeling like a victim? The word victim may be as unpalatable as martyr possibly even more so. However when you start looking into your life, the structure of it and trust me even seeming out of control chaos IS a structure, you’re going to start to see how you really are the masterful creator of it all. You actually do have a choice. Yes I know people will complain if you choose to slow down or *gasp* stop but they’ll learn and grow from it just as you will.
I do a lot of Shadow work with people. I even created an entire 40 day course around the topic called Shadow Blessings and one for issues with growing older called Second Spring. I know first hand how hard it is to go down the road of “I’m doing this to myself” “I’m choosing self-harm through neglect.”. I get how hard it is to own that I’m making myself a victim through all the stories that say I can’t because fill in the blank.
I can’t fill my classes because_________. I can’t be seen because_________. I can’t get the neighbors to stop letting people camp on their land and burn a damn bonfire for 16 hours straight because_________. I can’t get the cats/dogs/kids/partners/jobs to cooperate because___________.
I can’t get help with the housework. They help but you don’t like it so you stand there rearranging the dishwasher or re-scrubbing the bathtub. Stop it.
I can’t write because every time I try Tonka the Naughtiest Cat in the World and I engage in a head to head battle over who actually gets to use the keyboard. Stop it.
I have to take so and so to the Dr. because they don’t have any other option. Hmm who will they use when you drop dead from exhaustion? Uber? Dial A Ride? Some other person a little deeper in their martyrdom? Stop it.
I have to schedule 14 things in every day so that I get them all done and then I can rest. Hmm they’re never all done though are they? Stop it.
Underlying all of these live the best most golden loving intentions on the planet. You care so much and love so deeply that it is blinding you to what you do ultimately have control over. Driving this is also a total lack of understanding of where your power lives and how to access it.
All around you people are standing up and saying no more. They aren’t waiting for rescue that never comes. They are right now gathering in unprecedented numbers to defy the oil company’s efforts to run a pipeline through sacred land. Rape victims are more often standing up in Court to speak out defying the traditional mantle of shame. Young children are speaking as if they’re philosophers and telling us God isn’t what we think he/she is at all. Courses are being offered in all kinds of shapes, sizes and formats for women to wake up and understand what’s really going on here.
I’m going through this myself with Jody England. Her offerings in Magik School have awakened me to how deeply buried this victim mentality can go and how it looks in life. I’m being worked in the Fierce Grace Collective by Carrie-Anne Moss. I’m shocked, appalled, a little embarrassed and a lot excited! My life is changing daily as I claim power I never knew I had!
It’s time to wake up, Sister. Even if the word “womb” or the even worse “yoni” make you feel all strange and scoff-ish, listen. Those words are in the air for a reason. Listen closely to your own insides. Are you in there? Are you living in full awareness of your body and its language of emotion? Did you know your body’s language is emotion?
The exhaustion, the unquenchable hunger, the pain, the tears stuck like a flock of crows in your throat, do you have these? Are you numb from the waist down? Are you chasing the source of your migraines from physician to physician without relief? Have you recently purchased stock in Hostess Cupcakes? Possibly you’ve collected too many cats? Ugh, never mind that last question. As if!
I can help you see that the source of these issues begins in you and what to do about it. There is no blame only misunderstanding of how your life is meant to be and can be now through reclaiming what has been denied. I have individual and group offerings, descriptions of which are found in the menu tabs of this blog or you can book 15 minutes of my time for free to explore your needs/desires. You can also see me on Periscope several days a week or view my past recordings there for free.
Even before that though you can breathe today – no charge! You can go hide in the bathroom or your closet if you have to and place one hand on your heart and one hand on your lower abdomen (p.s. some weirdos call that your womb space. I know, it sounds so bizarre!). With your hands firm, breathe deeply for a few moments. 60 seconds, 120 seconds, just breathing. It’s possible in that short amount of time you might cry. It’s ok, for now just tell people you accidentally rubbed the shitty bathroom soap in your eyes.
For now just breathe, once a day for a few moments. It’s free, it costs you very little time. All your tasks and responsibilities can wait 60 seconds. You can even say that you’re willing to see where you’ve given your power away. If that’s not possible you can ask, “How can I see my responsibilities differently?” “If I were making this all up what would all this busy-ness be protecting me from feeling?” “If I were getting a pretty big payoff from this perceived powerlessness/drama mama thing, what would it be?”
All behavior has a function, find that through compassionate questioning and you start to set yourself free.
Signed with much love,
Your sister-friend in recovery…